Why I Will Always Dance With My Teenage Daughters (with a DJ on NYE) (5 minute read)

This year my family was out of the country for the Christmas Holiday, and it extended into 2026.  Which brings me to New Years Eve.  Our family of four sat down for some appetizers and refreshments.  For the record, I did not consume alcohol on NYE.  That detail matters in the story.  I do occasionally imbibe, but alcohol leaves my joints feeling inflamed, my brain slower than usual, my stomach charred and my mood slightly more negative than your average Monday morning “ready to start the week” kind of feeling. 

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) reminds us that alcohol is not our friend and how consuming it impacts our bodies.  To name a few of the terrible problems that no one wants, I thought I would list them here for you to review. Alcohol use and abuse can cause cancer, dementia, memory and mood issues, long-lasting brain development changes, hypertension, dehydration and inflammation. Take a “Checking Your Drinking Quiz” if you would like to get more familiar with your alcohol intake.

Now back to DANCING. Who says that you need to drink alcohol to let loose on the dance floor?!?!  Maybe you think that you do because you are self-conscious, but I’d argue, that you don’t need alcohol in this case.  Instead, you may need some help with confidence/not worrying so much about what others think of you because at the end of the day, no one really cares what you look like while dancing.

Take comfort in the Spotlight Effect, coined by researcher Thomas Gilovich. The Spotlight Effect suggests that we overestimate how much others notice our shortcomings. Because of our egocentric bias, we assume people are paying far more attention to us than they actually are.  The truth is, they are paying more attention to themselves than they are to you

Mocktails are becoming more popular at restaurants and in the home.

My History with Dancing: I grew up twirling around to Madonna in our family room and doing donkey kick half cartwheels on our couch.  I loved getting down to Bobby Brown at middle school dances.  In high school and college, I never passed up the opportunity to dance to ’90s hip hop; whether in someone’s basement or at Players or the Shandygaft at Penn State. Fast forward to when my kids were little, my girls and I used to dance to Rusted Root and any other song with a good beat. For today, I dance to Paul Simon at the Mann Music Center, or any song for that matter with my husband and friends in our home, at weddings, or an event with a good band. 

Sometimes you feel like you are flying when you dance.

Fortunately, I grew up with a father that loved to move his feet and hands to any kind of beat, whether we were in the car or on a dance floor.  My Dad wasn’t scared to dance, nor did he care about what people thought of him. He taught me how to Polka (I know, it’s kind of hickish, but that’s ok, there are a few things from my Central PA roots that I embrace).  My Dad taught me to not be self-conscious of how I dance and that dancing is a lot of fun. I witnessed the joys of communal dancing and how it can offer a release from life that we otherwise take so seriously.

Let’s return to the New Years Eve story: When my teenage daughter looked as if she wanted to get up on that dance floor, I didn’t have to think twice about leading the way and encouraging her to dance like no one is watching.  As a mom, it’s important for me to teach my girls both how to have social courage AND how to stay safe around people who are drunk.

As we began to dance to the first song, I noticed a few drunk older men (some appeared to be out for the night solo) and a couple that thought it may be a good idea to shove their poor pitbull into a Baby Bjorn and force it to dance to extremely loud music (the dog looked absolutely miserable by the way, as you may have already guessed), I felt a little less enthusiastic to dance like no one was watching- b/c some people were actually watching, in a creepy way.

Below is a list of the 7 reasons why I will always dance with any child or adolescent girl that asks me to dance, or anyone for that matter (except creeps), with or without a cocktail AND talk about alcohol use with my girls on New Years Eve:

1) Watch this PBS Youtube on the health benefits of dance. Dancing improves moods and feelings of loneliness while relieving stress, increasing muscle strength, tone, flexibilityflexibility and balance.  It can also heal the body from trauma. 

2)      Teaching a girl to move her body to the music on a dance floor is much better than having Tik Tok teach our girls how to dance.  For more information about how social media impacts our girls: a) look at the Forbes Article on “How TikTok Live Became a Strip Club Filled With 15-Year-Olds (April 27, 2022) (most of us don’t pay for Forbes Magazine, but Chat GPT can give you an overview of the predator problem on Tik Tok), b) Grace Smherz’s thesis bibliography on “An Exploratory Research on the Sexualization of Young Women on Tik Tok, and c) anything by Dr. Jaqueline Nessi (a Psychologist who studies social media’s impact on youth mental health.

3)    It is important to share the message of “being aware of your surroundings” to our kids. They don’t need to be on constant alert, but a general sense of caution is important, because bad stuff does happen sometimes. 

4)      At the risk of sounding like a Puritan named Jane- alcohol is not a necessity for having fun, no matter how many Superbowl commercials tell you otherwise.  If you are truly comfortable in your own skin, the experience of “being” (social) is enough.  Alcohol doesn’t always need to be a part of socializing or unwinding. 

5)      Talking to and teaching our kids about alcohol is important.  I want my kids to know that alcohol is a depressant and a carcinogen, and that much of society overuses it.

6)      There are many ways to dance that don’t center on being suggestive. Sometimes kids are so desensitized to sexual messages (whether it be from song lyrics, casual vernacular, fashion, images on a screen, etc.…), it’s important to show them how to carry our bodies with class and dignity and it’s just as important to show them how to exhibit self-control around alcohol at parties.

7)      Dancing amongst generations is healthy.  When I used to visit my grandmother in a nursing home until age 103.5, we’d sing together and chair dance.  Moving together as a family encourages other ways of being.  The more ways we have of being together, the more interesting and fun life can be.

That’s it for now Friends, I hope that you learned a little about alcohol AND the ancient art of dancing. It would be wonderful if this blog inspired you to throw on some good tunes and have a family dance party on any random night for no reason at all, other than to laugh and shake your groove thing.

LoveWell,

Kim

P.S. Dad, I still tap along to the beat while driving when I’m moved by a song.  I wonder if your grandkids will too. Thanks for always smiling on the dance floor.