Yikes, It’s Summer!!! Yay!!!
My favorite season of the year is Summertime. It brings fresh air; breezes that are a reprieve from the heat; walking dogs in shaded areas; spontaneity; the outdoors; free time to dream, explore or lay around and read; live music- but it also brings some extra pressure on parents to combine the worlds of: 1) adult life and attending to career and home duties and 2) ensuring that our children and teens have some structure mixed with the rest and adventure they crave and need after a long school year.
So, how do we balance both worlds simultaneously?
As I continue to be a working Mom, I have found it helpful to hit the pause button before summer starts and to think about how I would like to balance work and parenting. I have yet to figure out a neat and clean schedule. I can feel frazzled many days, but in a few short months, the dreaming part of summer will be long gone. So, every June, my kids and I make a Summer Bucket List where we get to dream about how to spend some free time. As my kids age, they want me around less and prefer to spend time with their peers. This experience could be in another blog category of “How To Parent Teenagers,” and perhaps I will get to that blog someday when I figure it out after reading the ten books I have on this topic, or my kids graduate from High School!
Sorry for the digression. Here is a list that may help you find balance this summer. It may not be what you are looking for because, frankly, what you may want for the summer may not be possible. It may just be a stage that you need to endure, while facing both the difficulties AND noting the blessings of the summer, the Yin and Yang of opposing forces, while attempting balance.
1) What do you already have that you would like to use more often? Do you have a kayak, paddleboard, basketball net, a nearby water source for fishing or picnics, or access to local hiking trails? You don’t have to spend money or use much gas to enjoy summer.
2) What things have given you a sense of calm during the other seasons? Keep using them! If going to the gym, walking with friends, stretching, attending to your spirituality, reading, or spending time with your spouse has refreshed you before, please continue to do these things! They work, and you will need to build some reserve so that you have the patience to handle all of the requests you will be getting this summer (ie, ice cream trucks, daytrips to the beach, amusement parks, etc). It’s better to handle the requests from a balanced mind versus an empty “gas” tank.
3) Know what stage of life your child is in. Research this, be curious about it, ask for support, and get a therapist. For instance, the book I am currently reading is “Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen: The Essential Conversations You Need to Have with Your Kids Before They Start High School.” In this book, the author notes that 14 is the old 18. I’m reading other books on the teenage brain and social media, too. All that to say is, try to know what culture your child is coming from…it’s somewhat the same as where we came from, but it’s also very different. When we know the facts, it can help us understand our kids a bit better.
4) Continue to have Boundaries. Know what your boundaries are. This one is tricky because you have natural boundaries with work (the start of the day, days of the week you work, project due, etc), but how do you intend to enforce the more personal boundaries that are important to you? For instance, will you allow your kids more screen time this summer? Or not? Will an increased allotment of screen time detract from your ability to connect with your kids the way you want to? Will you try to introduce a regular date night with your partner into your summer routine? Do you want to keep your same yoga or workout routine? I recommend the book, “Boundaries, When To Say Yes and How To Say No To Take Control of Your Life”, by Cloud and Townsend (this is a Christian book, but if you are prefer a non-religious approach with much of the same content, “The Set Boundaries Workbook, Practical Exercises for Understanding Your Needs and Setting Healthy Limits” looks good too!
5) Teach Life Skills. I read a book several years ago called, “Mean Moms Rule: Why Doing the Hard Stuff Now Creates Good Kids Later”. Do your kids know how to: fold laundry, set the table, welcome guests, and assist with food preparation? This one can be a “two for one” deal- you are teaching life skills while still having boundaries that you are not going to do everything for your children. This summer, I have a goal to have each child take one night of the week to make dinner. A boundary I need this summer is a break from thinking about meals that everyone will like to eat.
6) Where can you find “flow”? Flow is a state of concentration that marries focus with a chosen activity (or work). For instance, if you are working around your kids this summer and can’t focus on a writing assignment or a brainstorming meeting, can you go somewhere else, like the local library, or go into the office? If you work part-time, could you swap childcare with a neighbor or friend on some days? How can you ask for help and use your resources to be able to find “flow”? Flow plays an important role in your mental well-being.
7) What can you let go of that is not yours to hold? How do you feel if you are in a pool floating with just you and the water, and nothing else? It feels so good to let go. If you are one who is typically over-responsible for others’ feelings (i.e., a people pleaser or an empath), you may be holding onto things that are not yours to carry. Start making a list of the burdens of others that may weigh you down and practice letting them go in your mind, little by little. This doesn’t mean that you will stop caring for those you love; it just means that you will care a little less about the things you ultimately cannot control.
That’s it for now, Friends. As we walk into Summertime, I wish you patience, peace, and real connection with your loved ones.
LoveWell,
Kim