Self-Care Increases Our Individual and Communal Capacity
Self-care often coincides with privilege, but it is a necessity for the many of us who find ourselves in care-taking relationships or jobs. Self-care is a boundary that we build into our schedules or utilize when we are feeling burnt out from giving, working, feeling, trying, thinking, problem solving, or over-functioning. Although, I think we need to evaluate how much time we “desire” self-care, because the act of caring for oneself can slip into the dangerous territories of selfishness or being unavailable to our loved ones.
I was recently asked to lead my local Chamber of Commerce through a presentation on Self-Care, so I thought I would start prepping for that talk in this space first. Self-Care can look very different for different people. What may be good for me, may not seem like care for you. But, the one unifying item on all of our Self-Care lists must include how we connect with others (face to face). Our obsession with on-line acceptance may help us to feel more supported, valued and seen, but it mutes our real-life socializing gestures and skills, and can numb our initiation of eye contact, hugs, smiles and curiosity.
On the other hand, I am currently looking at a book entitled, “The Giving Tree” (by Shel Silverstein) and many of us can feel like we are running on empty, slowly loosing who we are because we don’t ever stop caring for others, reducing a once vibrant tree- to a stump. Therefore, times of solitude should also be included on people’s Self-Care lists as well! It benefits us to spend time with ourselves alone. Kahlil Gibran describes this practice beautifully as, “solitude is a silent storm that breaks down all our dead branches; yet it sends our living roots deeper into the living heart of the living earth.” Do you know yourself? Do you spend time with yourself away from your phone?
Below is a list of 7 items related to ways in which I feel like take care of myself. I would love to hear about yours sometime!
1) How often do you intentionally quiet your experience or chose silence? If you are constantly surrounded by noise (music, podcasts, phone calls, etc…, I would start to wonder if you fear what may come up for you when the room gets quiet. I recommend sitting or laying in silence for 5-10 minutes before going to sleep.
2) Do you have a physical release for stress? Walks, yoga, swimming, lifting, dancing, etc…?
3) What happens to you in nature? Do you allow time in your schedule to be outdoors? Notice how you feel when look at water and trees or listen to birds sing.
4) When do you say “yes” and why do you say “no”? Being thoughtful about our boundaries allows us to know ourselves better. Ask for some feedback on this one. It’s hard to figure these answers out alone. Sometimes we have walls built so high that we cannot see the motivations behind our choices.
5) What music calms you or brings you back to an easier era? Do you listen to that music?
6) Apologize if you’ve misunderstood someone or hurt them unintentionally. Own your stuff. You’ll grow and your relationships will benefit from it. Being accountable increases others trust in you and confronts the pride you didn’t even recognize in yourself that you have.
7) Give back to your community. Volunteer. I know, I know- we don’t have time for this. I am not suggesting that you have the capacity to volunteer during ALL stages of life. For instance, if you are currently caring for an infant or a sick family member, I’d suggest taking time off from formal volunteering if it’s too taxing. But, as Mahatma Ghandi notes, "the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others". Watch Dr. Elizabeth Dunn’s inspirational TED Talk on the benefits of being generous with your time, energy and resources. The gifts we receive from giving are many and we are hard-wired to help others. The list of advantages range from increases in dopamine and oxytocin to a sense of connection and purpose. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUKhMUZnLuw.
Bonus items on my self-care list are spending time with friends that are curious, interesting and fun. Some friends I can pray or cry with, some with whom I explore other ways of relaxing. Stay tuned for the next Blog on Friendship! And, I can’t help from adding that asking for and giving hugs, being silly/playful, laughing, playing ball with my dog instead of walking her, and going to thought-provoking plays does improve my overall quality of life! That’s it for now, Friends. I hope that this list was helpful in giving you ideas to create your own Self-Care List so that you can utilize it when you are overwhelmed, tired or lost.
LoveWell,
Kim